Queer/Race

Blog #2. ‘Til Queer Do Us Part

Posted in Uncategorized by Becca on March 30, 2010

In class we have discussed people that come from all different aspects of queerness and race. Throughout this semester, I have been very intrigued by the word “queerness.” I feel that each class I am constantly considering new ways that the word can be used and interpreted. A couple of weeks back we discussed the idea of marriage and how it can relate to queerness. I’ve been considering a lot of the comments made that day and have been most intrigued by the intricacies of where queerness begins and ends.

For example, a non-married 24-year-old might represent a “norm” but once she hits 32? Dear God, watch out for that queer crone. Yet, a divorced forty-year-old at this point in our society represents a norm like any other. (God forbid that same forty year old was never married. Can we say coockoo?)

To take this matter further to a topic not delved into while in class, I wanted to shine some light on another aspect of marriage as it applies to society today. In a world where certain strides have been made in the acceptance of queer individuals, I think it is interesting to think of people who initially joined in the practice of heterosexual marriage and are now “coming out.” Whether this be as cross dressers, homosexuals, transgendered individuals, or anything else, these types of changes can produce a queerness explosion. Suddenly, because marriage initially took place, we are introduced to the “Queer Family.” Children with queer parents, queer spouses, queer grandparents! Unfortunately, I have not been able to find specific statistics on this type of thing, but did find some links that might be helpful in providing more information on the issue.

STORIES OF SOME INDIVIDUALS WHO CAME OUT AFTER MARRIAGE

http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/comingout/a/OutToHusband.htm http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/comingoutstories/a/ChrisComesOut.htm

WEBSITE THAT PROVIDES SUPPORT FOR STRAIGHT SPOUSES.

It is put together by “Current and former Straight Spouses/Partners of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender people, Mixed Orientation Couples and our Families and Friends.”

http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php

MOVEMENT DEVELOPED FOR KIDS WITH ONE OR MORE LGBTQ PARENT.

I find some of the research and “facts” to be pushing it a bit, but appreciate the movement.

http://www.colage.org/index.html

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2 Responses

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  1. dvek said, on March 30, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I’m really glad so many of the husbands on the lesbianlife link were accepting or at least cool with their wives decisions, but ugh. 😦 It makes me sad that the ladies went and got married before they tried to be themselves. One of my best friends’ mothers is going through this now, but it’s only after 24 years of being married to a total douche (no, really, her ex-husband is a jerk) and a lifetime of denying herself. She sacrificed so much to adopt and give a wonderful life to two children since she “couldn’t have any on her own,” but now said friend had come out to her mom and together they’re enjoying a renewed life.

    I also enjoyed the really weird colage website. wtf, I never thought I’d see such a hard issue handled with such a chipper website, and the diversity of the posts (“I have gay parents. And you know what? I’m darn proud of them,” vs “Colorado Catholic school denies enrollment to child with lesbian moms”) shows how complex the issue is! Thank you!

    Kudos for these articles! Much food for thought to be found.

  2. graylielane said, on April 11, 2010 at 1:21 am

    This post makes me think heavily about the idea of whether or not being gay is a biological trait or something that comes socially. It seems that if it were genetic the women would have known they were gay and thus never would have married. However, in thinking this I am also reminded of the pressures placed on women from a very young age to get married (as you mentioned earlier in the post). We often talk about the high divorce rates without accounting for the fact that a lot of people marry for the wrong reasons (although after reading Stephanie Coontz I must say I have no idea what the “right” reasons are anymore). Perhaps these individuals got married thinking it would change them, they’d eventually become straight. If that were the case and after years of marriage their was no change, maybe there is a genetic component to homosexuality. If we really wanted to curb the problem of divorce or extramarital affairs maybe we should make people “jump through more hoops” to get married. People should be allowed, as the person above commented, to explore themselves, including their sexuality. While this may cut down on some divorces unfortunately it will ultimately fail because in several ways society makes us feel “queer” for being who we are. Essentially there may be no solution.


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