Queer/Race

By the lack of me.

Posted in Uncategorized by sross10 on April 30, 2010

I discovered my sexuality,

Discovered that woman were what I wanted

I looked to society and was daunted,

By the lack of me.

All I saw was women of lighter complexion

What would these women see in me?

Who would give this black girl affection?

I am by no means a poet and as poems go I’m not sure if this is a good one. It’s a couple of words that defined a big problem for me when I came out. Though it’s changing, all my images of being queer were white people. SO I thought that most gay people were white (I was 16 and stupid). I was extremely worried that white women wouldn’t find me attractive and that in turn led to some internalized racism that I’m not proud of. I didn’t like my dark skin or my “ethnic” hair.

What does this have to do with queer conceptions of race? I think we’ve all heard that being gay was or is considered a white thing by different cultures. What we don’t hear about is the girl who thinks she’ll be alone because white girls aren’t attracted to her.

I realize that there are plenty of interracial relationships, but this was my truth at 16.

Advertisements

6 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. slpmartin said, on April 30, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    When I reflect on how societal history has influenced every aspect of one’s life..I go from sad to angry….so many lies…told to manipulate people….thanks for sharing your poem and story.

  2. ajshort314 said, on May 1, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I like your poem. The odd number of lines makes it seem both unfinished (in a good way, that the story’s ending hasnt been written yet..) and extra queer (queer as in odd/ outside of the norm).

    I especially like that you highlighted your feelings of coming out at 16. I feel like when I was first thinking about these issues, and before I got involved in the community, my perceptions were based entirely on false assumptions that society/media told me were true. It is at this point that I think I best understood how straight people understand these issues. After becoming more involved in the LGBT community, I realized how messed up these assumptions were and how wrong the media can be. We must educate the masses!

    After reading this I remembered something I heard somewhere about advertising. Apparently a picture of two same-race women looking friendly/affectionate is often interpreted as a picture of friends. But the same picture with different race women, especially one Black and one White, the women are assumed to be lesbians. Odd…

    -AJ
    P.S. You ARE beautiful and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

  3. saimaanika said, on May 2, 2010 at 5:21 am

    I write poems and I have taken a few poetry classes and I’m actually taking one this semester as well, and I can honestly say that your poem was professional. You rhyme it well and you have a “slant rhyme,” which is a rhyme is a “near rhyme” or “off rhyme,” for lines 1 and 4: “sexuality” and “me.” Anyway, you’re story sort of reminds me of the story in “Fun Home” because in that story the main character comprises opposing ideas and when she goes to attend college, a whole new “true” world is divulged to her and she finds that she most identifies with the lesbian sexuality and realizes her sexuality as being gay. It is just so melancholy that society would impede wrong moral teachings to manipulate children to conform to a conventional world.

    Thank you for that perceptive piece.

    • saimaanika said, on May 2, 2010 at 6:06 am

      Please disregard the above reply:

      I write poems and I have taken a few poetry classes and I’m actually taking one this semester as well, and I can honestly say that your poem was professional. You rhyme it well and you have a “slant rhyme,” which is a rhyme is a “near rhyme” or “off rhyme,” for lines 1 and 4: “sexuality” and “me.” Anyway, you’re story sort of reminds me of the story in “Fun Home” because in that story the main character comprises opposing ideas and when she goes to attend college, a whole new “true” world is divulged to her and she finds that she most identifies with the lesbian sexuality and realizes her sexuality as being gay. It is just so melancholy that society would embed wrong moral teachings to manipulate children to conform to a conventional world. However, we also have to understand that parents try to shield us from the truth of the real world as long as they can so that we can be as conventional and accepted by society as we can. They don’t want to see us “ostracized” by society when we grow up because we do certain things. However, another colossal factor is mainstream media, such as children’s shows, teach these devious teachings. This is also quite sad, but we cannot blame them for this as society has been doctrine this way and we need to change that process by letting younger people to know the truth and be able to handle it.

      Thank you for that perceptive piece.

  4. kirstan27 said, on May 5, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    This poem is very short but is powerful and speaks deep to the soul with few little words. As a minority I know exactly the feeling and the struggles you went through with being gay and of color. I know how hurtful society’s words and view can be so I thank you for sharing your story and poem. When I came out I knew that the black community would not be accepting and worried that skin color would be an issue in the LGBT community. However I was never concerned whether white women would find me attractive but more concerned if women would find me attractive in general. I never even imagined that struggle or what that person with that struggle would feel like. This was such a unique story to me because I had never heard of this type of struggle and felt I learned and grew a little from your experience. I’m glad you came to realize that you are beautiful and that there many interracial relationships out here in the world. I hope now your struggle could be something in the pass.

  5. teddytaylor said, on May 7, 2010 at 7:09 am

    I totally see where you are coming from, and the truth you saw at 16 is the truth I saw at 16 and the truth I still see now. Unfortunately, in the Washington, DC area anyways, the gay society is slightly segregated. I know I might sound blunt but from my personal experiences it is. I doubt many would argue. Being a lesbian probably makes it even harder, because not only do lesbians have fewer opportunities to meet other lesbians (there are very few lesbian clubs/bars in the area) but then you have to worry about the black, white, Latino. It’s so crazy to me. If you have ever been to Halo, well now it’s called Mova, you will see what I am talking about. Girl, you are beautiful. Don’t let people tell you otherwise. Don’t doubt your beauty because of DC. If you aren’t having any problems dating right now, more power to you. If you are, don’t sweat it. I mean I am biracial so the idea of any race issue really drives me up the wall. My parents met over thirty years ago and have been married for 31 years now. This really should not be an issue for us. It’s disgusting. Sorry, I think I may have just vented a little. Anyways, I really appreciated this post and your poem was beautiful.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: